Ever have one of those moments where you nearly black out from laughing?

This is, without a doubt, one of the greatest by-lines for a "news" article I've ever read.

From IMDB,...

Hilton Vomits While Attempting To Sing Own Song

Paris Hiton shocked revelers at a Las Vegas nightclub when she got up to perform but ended up vomiting on stage instead. Singer Joshua Radin was among the guests who went to a nightclub to hear rapper Shawn 'Jay-Z' Carter perform and found himself sitting next to the socialite-turned-singer. Radin writes on his MySpace page, "Paris Hilton was sitting next to me the whole night. Seriously, next to me, like our legs were touching for a good five hours. Now don't get the wrong idea. She never once said hello, nor even looked in my direction. Five hours. And it was unreal to watch. She must have pulled a compact out of her bag every six minutes to stare at herself and pose while Jay-Z was performing eighteen inches from us." Radin writes that when Jay-Z left the stage, "Paris, who had been swilling straight vodka from (a) Grey Goose bottle for hours, gets up on stage, has the people in charge throw her 'record' on the house stereo for her to lip sync two of her songs. She gets up on the stage, pukes, leaves..." Radin adds, "I find the music business charming."

That's so brilliant I have no words to express it.

Paris and I have one thing in common though, I vomited when I heard the song.

Ah, the life of a glamorous heiress to a hotel fortune.

So long f**kers! Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!

The above image, for those who may not know, is the classical painting The expulsion from the garden of Eden by Thomas Cole.

Those are the Republicans today.

In an unprecedented turnout, the population turned out in force so strong that even the Diebold voting machines couldn't cheat their voices into silence.

Well Hello there America! Where ya been? We missed you like Hell! Welcome back!

I can't believe it.

If I'm dreaming I don't wanna wake up.

I had lost such confidence in the way this country was being run and the corruption was so blatant, rampant and shameless that I had no hope for us ever achieving balance.

Yet here I sit,.....on Wednesday, November 8th and looking at the numbers

The Democrats have taken the house,.....we are waiting with baited breath for Virginians to do the right thing, throw out that psychotic bully rethuglican George Allen and then we'll take the senate as well,.....for the first time in recent history NO Democrats lost seats, they only gained them. Every one already being held by Dems retained their positions.

We have an overwhelming majority of Democratic governors in every state,...

And Donald useless-as-henshit-on-a-pump-handle Rumsfeld just resigned.

Bye-bye Rumsferateau! You can run f**ker but you can't hide. Tell ya what,....we'll be sporting and give you a head start but we'll catch up later.

I am completely speechless. Even my wildest yearnings for the outcome of this election didn't come close to this.

Can you say subpoena power? Accountability? Oversight? Dare I say,.....impeachment?

Now that the Dems have power they better damn well use it and not balls it up.

No more running mad with power there, King George. The American public has voted your ideals off the island. You should have stayed in your momma's belly,...marinating in the liberal mixture of amneotic fluid and vodka like a little jug-eared cocktail onion.

Popping up some Orville Redenbacher, sitting back, and I'm watching the show.

And dear God and all the angels, sanits and my relatives in Heaven, thank you.

Because it is indeed, gonna be one Hell of a show!

Hold onto your hats!

It's gonna be an interesting night.

I hope to God we get a change today.

If not,....either the thievery of this democratic country is truly complete or America is full of an astonishing amount of retards.

.......biting my nails and waiting,.....